Here is a piece of truth:
people talk. People love
to talk. And what most about? Somebody else. Why? There are a thousand reasons. Few people manage to avoid gossip completely. Some would argue that gossip is actually the wheels of social interaction. I would argue we can find better things to talk about.
In middle school its almost
expected that people will gossip. Parents know that at some point their little girl will come home from school crying because another group of girls decided to start a rumor.
In high school, we've toughened up a little. We have found our group of friends that we "fit in" to, and we've gotten somewhat used to the rumors, lies, and slander. But the rumors start getting a little nastier here as well. Instead of "her shirt does
not match those pants," its turned to "did you know
she slept with
him?"
When we begin college, we kid ourselves into thinking we've finally escaped the ruthless rumors. Most often, we think of going off to college as gaining a "clean slate." However, there they are again. Like a smack in the face with hot coals.
So
why do people do it? And how do you "stop caring" about what people say about you? Those are the questions I really want to address.
Here are my purposed reasons. They may seem elementary, but at the core, I believe these are why.
1. To feel superior
2. To fit in, or feel like part of a group
3. For attention
4. For control, or power
5. Out of jealousy, or a need for revenge on someone else
And even though we go from middle school, to high school, to college or the workforce, I believe those reasons stay the same throughout.
It is unfortunate that people tend to gravitate toward negative talk about others. But here's the cold, hard, truth: those people who love to talk (about you), will a-l-w-a-y-s be there. You can count on that. So, what do you do? I can't say exactly what will work best for you, but here is a few simple pieces of advice that I've taken to heart - and that I truly believe work.
Choose to be happy.
This may seem easy, or like a simple piece of advice, but its really not. Its a conscious choice that you must make. Along these lines, choose positivism and people who are positive.
Worrying doesn't solve anything.
Just because you think about it - doesn't mean its going away.
People are looking for a reaction. Don't give them that satisfaction.
They
want you to respond. They are looking for anger outbursts, tears, anything that will show them that you care about what they are saying. Stop caring. Ignore these people. They are not worth your time, or energy.
Stop trying to "fit in."
People don't give you their respect? Quit trying to earn it so badly. In 10 years, it won't really matter what they though of you, or who they were. Stand out. Be
you. You weren't created to be
them. Don't try to change, and don't let people try to change you. Its really true - you can't please everyone. And remember: people don't know more about you then you know about you - even though they might be convinced they do.
Quit the "beneficial friends."
We all have these friends. Friends who hang around us because we have money, a car, smarts, free movie passes, _____(fill in the blank here for yourself), or whatever it might be. Friends who are around us when they want something that will benefit them, but friends we couldn't call in a time of need. These friends are not your friends. Ditch them. Yes, ditch.
Gossip, rumors, slander.... they will always be here, and so will the people that love em'. But, chose to rise above, when able. Don't lend a listening ear, or open your mouth to repeat. Do decide to be you, and ignore those who don't have better things to talk about.
I'll end with this poem,
There is so much good in the worst of us,
And so much bad in the best of us,
That it hardly becomes any of us
To talk about the rest of us.
~Edward Wallis Hoch
